Kenneth B. Anderson
My Journey to High Self Worth
I am not a psychologist and do not have a degree in psychology. I only have my experience and my journey to increasing my self worth to share. I've watched The Secret, studied Think and Grow Rich, even written Letters to The Universe. At best, my manifestation process was hit and miss...but mostly miss.
By every societal measures I should have been successful. My undergrad is in Plant Genetics & Breeding from BYU, I have an MBA in Strategy and Entrepreneurship from The Ohio State University. I have certifications in Project and Program Management. When people review my resume, I usually get a "Very Impressive" response. Not to toot my own horn...well, okay maybe a little, I am above average.
Then why could I not hold down a job? Why were my businesses not successful? In 2015 I was laid off from my corporate job. Six months later landed a new job and then laid off again (within the same calendar year). Started a consulting business and also struggled. I felt as though I was making my clients successful, but not myself.
Maybe it was my consulting business model, let's try a different business...something simpler. Started a new business doing VIP transport in the Caribbean and it was doing good, but not good enough.
In late 2018, I had an idea. I would recruit a couple business coaches and we would work together and coach each other. I invited two for breakfast and we chatted. We circled back a month later and one of them said, "I know what is wrong with you." She got my attention! Yes! I would pay almost anything to know why I couldn't succeed.
I hired her services and she introduced me to the Law of Attraction. It would be great if everything was fixed from there, but it wasn't. I was even more hit and miss (more like miss and hit). It was still inconsistent. She gave me The Order Form to the Universe and The Artists Way. She later gave me The Science of Being Rich.
I studied all of these, but money flow still didn't get any better. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? After not being able to provide for my family, things were starting to spiral out of control. I was headed straight into a rock bottom and God needed to put me back on track. The big picture was, most everything needed to be striped away and re-evaluated. The down home close picture was, trying to figure out what to do.
The simple answer was to get a job. After a painful fight with my wife, I started looking for both short term and long term employment. The short term needed to not care about my background, so I started working at FedEx as a package handler in the evenings.
The long term was to land at another six figure salary position. However, not so fast...I had to find the right position and get hired. After numerous first interviews, and still not landing, I needed to get a full time day job. Once again, they needed to not care about my career background. In the spring, I was able to get on a landscaping crew and then become a crew lead.
After the 1st day, I said to myself, "If I am going to be doing this, I am going to figure out the Law of Attraction." I downloaded Google podcast and searched for Manifestation. Up popped Lacy Philips and Manifestation 101. I listened...what did I have to lose? It was as if God and The Universe was waiting to introduce me to this. The moment she said that things started to manifest when she had self worth in that area, I light went off! That was the piece I was missing.
I had given up my self worth or minimized its importance. I thought that being smart was more important than feeling good inside. I'll be the first to admit, I was wrong.
I started listening to hours of podcasts everyday. Over the next month, I began to hear repeated themes I needed to hear. The main one was validation. I knew I was a people pleaser, but didn't know what a low self worth position that was. I also didn't realize how poor my boundary management was.
Once I began letting go of needing others to validate me, my self worth began to return. I was basing my self worth on how smart I was, my relationship with my wife, and/or what other thought about me. I started to self validate by complimenting myself and telling myself, I have high self worth.
I began to feel a beautiful warm glow in my chest. I felt stronger with confidence. My internal voice was stronger and I started listening to it more.
A pivotal day came when I realized I didn't love myself. I scored about a 5 out of 10. I loved my wife more than I loved myself, (she was a 10). But this also showed my dependency upon her for my self worth.
It wasn't long after that I was fired from that landscaping job. What?!? I was being terminated? I had been running a mower and it slipped down a hill and rolled off a retaining wall flipping over. Fortunately I was not hurt. They ran me through a drug test and then decided I was too much of a safety risk and let me go.
How much lower and worse could life get? That following Sunday, I cried on the bathroom floor. Have you ever seen a man ugly cry? That was me. Everything was shaken.
I started looking for a new job over the weekend, but nothing was sticking. By Tuesday morning, my wife was kindly and lovingly...forcefully cajoling me (okay, we had a fight). Angry and frustrated, I went online that morning, telling myself, "Okay, I need to manifest a new job." Searching Craig's List, I filled out a couple of applications. One of them called me back within a few hours, interviewed me, and I had a new job working for another landscape company by that afternoon.
I wish I had an end to the story, but at this time, I don't. However, I now know that God and The Universe has a plan for me. I trust that it will come together in his time. I continue to work on myself and validate my self worth. Through this, I felt a strong push that one of my purposes in life is to share this experience. To empower them to validate themselves and grow their own self worth.
Thank you for coming and visiting.